3 Ways to Deal with a Narcissist

Narcissism, although previously used mostly in a counseling setting, is a term more readily used by the public. Some people who don’t know the term or its definition use it to describe someone incredibly selfish. This may be partly true, but most span way beyond selfishness. Some of the symptoms of someone who is a narcissist are a grandiose personality, lack of self-esteem, lack of boundaries, a constant need for affirmation or approval, and self-centeredness, to name a few.

Narcissism takes a toll on every relationship a person is involved with. While narcissists need to get the professional help they need to overcome these tendencies, there are ways for a person who is involved with the narcissist to cope so that they can have a good relationship with them as well.

3 Ways to Deal with a Narcissist

Here are three ways to deal with narcissists.

Speak Up To and About the Narcissist

Because a narcissist tends to gaslight or belittle a person who makes them feel inferior, the victim may not want to speak up for fear of these demeaning behaviors. A victim needs to speak up and state their feelings. A person who is involved with a narcissist may bottle their feelings because these fears come up, but that can weaken a relationship because they are constantly giving in to what the other person wants.

When a narcissist starts these demeaning behaviors, it is important for the victims to stand up and let them know by speaking with “I” statements that they will not allow this behavior to continue. A narcissist doesn’t understand how their actions affect others. By speaking up, you show the narcissist how to change their ways so they can participate in good, healthy relationships.

Although they may be unpleasant at the time, every time you speak up and change their behaviors, you give them an opportunity to change. More importantly, if the narcissist is also a Christian, you point them to the Holy Spirit to convict their souls and give them the opportunity for repentance.

Give Yourself Space From the Narcissist

Narcissists are hard to handle. They often put you in the shadows because they constantly want to be the center of attention, so they don’t feel inferior about themselves. This robs you of the opportunity to grow, not only with that person but also with God.

Dealing with narcissists is especially hard when the narcissist is a male because Christians are taught that wives should submit to their husbands. It can also be difficult to have a narcissist change their ways if they are male. Not only are they creating a false world for themselves, but they’re also taught that they are to be leaders in their homes.

Therefore, they see what they do as OK because they believe God called them to be in charge. This makes it difficult for wives to speak into their husbands’ lives because they don’t want to feel inferior or feel like someone less than them is telling them what to do.

If the narcissist’s selfishness becomes too hard to bear, give yourself some space. Withdraw from them either emotionally or physically. If the narcissist asks why you are withdrawn, speak up and state how you feel. Boundaries are key here. Set a boundary and let the narcissist know that you will not allow them to control or manipulate you any longer.

Let them know if that behavior continues, you will no longer be in a relationship with them. This alone will achieve some emotional and spiritual freedom for you. To some extent, you may also help the narcissist understand how their controlling ways are affecting your relationship.

Cut off the Relationship

If the narcissist is too stubborn in their ways and doesn’t want to change, it may be time to cut off the relationship. For married couples, a separation may be called for so the victim can physically remove themselves from the home for a time and get space and clarity for the future. Continuing to live in that situation will not do anyone any good.

This is not for punishment but rather a chance for restoration. If a narcissist truly loves you, they will do what they can to change their ways and start fresh. However, narcissists tend to shower their victims with compliments, only to revert to their old behavior once they get what they want. Make sure the narcissist is making positive steps toward change to be sure you want to continue that relationship.

Narcissism is a tough condition to identify. Dealing with narcissists is even more difficult. The victim must be strong enough to stand up to the behaviors. However, sometimes it is best to cut off that relationship if you find that the relationship is affecting your emotional, mental, or physical well-being. Discern what is best for both you and the narcissist.

Christian Counseling in Culver City, California

Sometimes this requires the assistance of a professional therapist. If you need a guide to build strength to withstand the manipulation of a narcissist, the therapists at Culver City Christian Counseling in California can help. Contact us and take the steps toward emotional freedom today.