6 Tips to Support a Friend or Family Member with Mental Illness

It can be extremely difficult and sometimes frustrating, to see a friend or family member struggling with mental illness. Though family or friends of those with mental illness may not have or understand ways they can positively impact that person’s well-being, there are still action steps that can be taken to remain supportive. Even the little things that you do can make a large impact on their thoughts and lifestyle.

According to the Mental Health Foundation:

• Nearly two-thirds of people (65%) say that they have experienced a mental health problem. This rises to 7 in every 10 women, young adults aged 18-34 and people living alone.
• Only a small minority of people (13%) were found to be living with what could be considered good mental health.
• People over the age of 55 report experiencing better mental health than average.
• People aged 55 and above are the most likely to take positive steps to help themselves deal with everyday life – including spending time with friends and family, going for a walk, spending more time on interests, getting enough sleep, eating healthily and learning new things.
• More than 4 in 10 people say they have experienced depression
• Over a quarter of people say they have experienced panic attacks.
• The most notable differences are associated with household income and economic activity – nearly 3 in 4 people living in the lowest household income bracket report having experienced a mental health problem, compared to 6 in 10 of the highest household income bracket.
• The vast majority (85%) of people out of work have experienced a mental health problem compared to two-thirds of people in work and just over half of people who have retired (2017)

These statistics include children, adolescents, young adults, adults, and senior citizens.

6 Tips to Support a Friend or Family Member with Mental Illness

1. Educate yourself on mental health problems.

In order to be of most help to your friend or family member, it is important to know what you are working with. There are several mental disorders that affect the mental health population. The signs and symptoms of depression or anxiety, for example, can be quite different from each other.

One does not need to become an expert at diagnosing individuals, but it will be helpful to know what signs to look for when speaking or interacting with this person so that you can optimize your support.

One way to educate yourself is by doing simple research. There are several online websites that can give you a general idea of symptoms from a variety of disorders. Although it is important to take stock of the credibility of your source. It is best to consult with popular educational resources such as:

• A national thriving mental health program to spread public understanding about how to look after our mental health and to build community resilience.
• A Royal Commission to investigate effective ways to prevent poor mental health and to develop good mental health, and highlighting opportunities to reduce risks.
• A Mentally Thriving Nation Report [developed] each year to track progress, emerging issues and actions required.
• A ‘100% Health’ Check to help people to manage their mental health and reduce their risks as well as identifying where they need professional mental health support.
• Fair Funding for Mental Health Research, commensurate with the scale of mental health problems in our society (Mental Health Foundation, 2017).

These websites can back up their education with actual up to date research and statistical information.

If a friend or family member already knows their symptoms or is being treated for a disorder, they may already be seeking treatment to help cope. A simple visit with them to the mental health provider can help educate you on how to help.

One of the first questions a mental health provider will ask at a mental health assessment is what supports are currently available to that applicant. In doing so, a mental health provider will be thrilled to include you in sessions in order for you to be a good support system for their client, which is one of the key ingredients to help them remain stable.

2. You need to be supportive.

To reiterate, it is imperative that you show your friend or family member support. If you know that they have been struggling or that they are just not quite their normal self, ask them what they believe may be going on, or if they have ever considered their behavior to be symptoms of a mental disorder.

They may want to disclose their personal information, or they may be withdrawn. But showing a support and care enough to ask can let them know that they can come to you with some of the difficulties that they are experiencing.

3. Ask how you can help.

Asking how you can help that person with their struggles can also be supportive. Lending a hand to a person with mental illness can be something as simple as helping them prioritize their errands for the day. In the case of someone in a manic phase of bipolar disorder, helping them spend their money conservatively when you accompany them shopping or to dinner.

Attending a gym with each other would be a great way to lift the energy and spirits of someone suffering from depression. Helping a loved one get a more regular sleeping pattern and developing a tracking method for their medications are two examples of helping them live a healthy lifestyle.

4. Don’t be pushy or judgemental.

We have talked about several ways to remain supportive of your loved one, but what if they do not receive your support with the best of intentions. What if your delivery method of support is not conducive to mental health care at all. It is important that you veer from ‘quick fix’ comments such as ‘cheer up’, ‘I’m sure it’ll pass’ and ‘pull yourself together’.

In fact, for someone suffering from thoughts of suicide, these statements are the last thing you would want them to hear coming from you as a loved one. It is important to remain open-minded and use open-ended discussion when speaking to them. Know that you may not find an immediate solution for what they may be going through.

Listening rather than talking to your friend or family member can take a load off their shoulders. If your loved one is still deflecting your attempts to support, maybe you can help them find another friend or family member, or counseling professional that they feel more comfortable talking to.

Sometimes your friend or family member may not want to talk about their problems at all. They may want to hear about your struggles, in order for them to relate to what they are going through at the same time. This can be helpful in a variety of ways.

Not only can this take their mind off of their current situation, but it can also help reduce the negative self-talk that can ultimately lead to increased mental health symptoms. Talking and participating in the frequent activities that you both have done together in the past can make a world of difference.

5. Show trust and respect.

Trust and respect between you and your friend or your family member are very important – they help to rebuild and maintain a sense of self-esteem, which a mental health problem can seriously damage. You need to foster a good relationship with your loved one centered around the struggles that they may be facing.

It is important that you provide an air of trust with your friend or family member that you will not, under any circumstances, violate or disclose to another. Unless their disclosures are thoughts of self-harm or harming others, speaking of your loved one’s struggles to another person may prove detrimental, or ultimately end relationships.

Some mental disorders are perceived as shameful or embarrassing to those that struggle with them, so letting you in on their private issues may have been a big step for them. The last thing that you would want to do is jeopardize this trust between the two of you.

6. Self-care.

Helping a loved one with their personal life struggles can be stressful for yourself, and in some cases exhausting. As previously mentioned, if there is another friend or family member of your loved one that they feel supported by, encourage them to pull this person in as a support system. This will alleviate any unwanted stress or fatigue in your own life.

Try not to tackle this struggle on your own as much as possible. Suggest that they visit their primary care physician if they are not doing so already. It would not prove fruitful for you to exhaust or stress yourself to the point where you could no longer offer the help and assistance that you had in the beginning.

Take time to yourself to engage in an activity that helps you maintain and feel refreshed. Go for a walk alone or with another friend or loved one. Speak of your care and support to your struggling friend, keeping strict confidentiality of course. Do something that you love, or that relaxes you.

If your friend or relative has been given a needs assessment from a mental health provider, you may be entitled to have your needs as a carer assessed and taken into account. “Mind” provides a booklet on action steps helpful in a carer coping with supporting a loved one with mental illness. You can also visit the Carers UK website for more information (2014).