The Benefits of Going to a Family Counselor

How can you know when it’s time to go to a family counselor? For one thing, you don’t have to wait until your family is in crisis mode. In fact, it’s a much better idea to start viewing family counseling services as regular maintenance for your family to function well, before the rubber hits the road.

Finding Balance in a Busy World

Your alarm clock blares at 5:30 am. Before you can even open your eyelids, a mental checklist of everything that has to get done before even leaving the house begins to form: iron your clothes, make lunches for the kids, send that email, schedule a last-minute meeting and try to shower while avoiding any meltdowns.

Everywhere we turn we are inundated with messages about how to make healthy meals that aren’t microwaved, how to build the perfect body in 21 days and how Pinterest can supply you with the steps to become the perfect parent. The pressure can be paralyzing. Information can be helpful, but it also can be overwhelming. How can you take your busy world and make sure all the threads blend together?

How Do You Get Everything Done Without Coming Undone?

Life pulls us in many different directions. The teenagers need to be driven to soccer practice, your boss asked for a report before the close of business and you just got a call your younger child has fallen sick and needs to be picked up from school. We wonder how much we can bend before we break completely.

Hudson Taylor, a Christian missionary who spent 51 years in China, is recorded as saying, “Do not have your concert first, and then tune your instrument afterward. Begin the day with the word of God and prayer, and get first of all into harmony with Him.”

Although some schedules or preferences won’t match his suggestion, the objective is to make your relationship with God your highest priority. God can accomplish in one minute what we’ve been striving to achieve through our own personal strength. Get alone with him and let him speak life into your situation and surround you with that peace that surpasses all understanding.

Faith is contagious. Be intentional about sharing with your children what God has been teaching you and testimonies he has given in your life. Your shepherding could be the spark that not only leads them to Christ but helps them mature in their faith. Your life is an example to your children.

Marriage is Your First Ministry

It’s not uncommon to hear how marriage takes a hit after kids come and the demands of life slowly chisel away the time that would have been reserved for tending to your spouse.

If you want to provide the best environment for your children to thrive, you need to have a strong relationship with your spouse as the foundation. Many families crumble because of lack of unity between husband and wife. Our marriage is a model to our children. It shows them what a healthy, loving, God-honoring relationship should look like. Children learn to emulate the relationships they see.

If you exchanged date nights for dirty diapers, it’s time to put the focus back on your spouse. You can start by scheduling a weekly date night and protecting this time. It’s inevitable that something will come up, but it’s important to make every effort to commit to date night. Try to resist talking about the kids or finances on date night.

Recharge the romance and your emotional health by planning longer weekend getaways. Most of all, don’t neglect to communicate with your spouse and having check-ins. Those finance and kid conversations we mentioned early are ideal topics to cover during your daily check-ins at home. Your spouse is your partner. Stick together to tackle whatever comes your way.

Learn to Say No

Today’s technology creates an always-on, always-accessible generation. It’s eroding our attention and productivity and having a ripple effect on our children. If a parent doesn’t possess the ability to prioritize or the power to say “no,” then it’s difficult to expect our children to operate any differently. They get their cues from parents.

Instead of chauffeuring children from one activity to another, let them decide on one thing at a time to focus their energy on. We all want our children to have opportunities, but be mindful not to overwhelm them. Don’t drown them in to-do lists, but give them down time to just be children.

Boundaries protect what is valuable. Often our time is one of the most valuable assets in our lives. Designate time to be fully present with your friends and family. Have the discipline to turn off the TV, phone, or tablet to allow for genuine connection with those in the room with you. Stick to a time to leave the office. Maybe it’s your goal to be home every night in time to gather around the kitchen table for a family dinner. Boundaries are for our benefit.

Take time to care for yourself. If you’ve been ignoring your personal needs, now is the time to reevaluate what is life-giving for you. It could be taking a nature walk, writing at a coffee shop, or getting a pedicure. Don’t be afraid to take time for yourself. A small investment in “you” will yield big dividends.

Let Go of Overparenting

It might come to a shock but in Japan, children are running errands and taking the train to school by the age of six. Some kids even have to transfer to a different train at one of the busiest train stations in the world. This is the opposite of how an overbearing parent operates.

The culture and infrastructure in Japan are what make this lifestyle possible, but what if we could take a page out of their book by allowing children to become independent and perform age-appropriate tasks in order to foster independent thinking. This starts by not doing anything for a child that they can do for themselves.

Children who become overly dependent on their parents develop an unhealthy crutch in life. If your adult child counts on you to wake him up for high school or you constantly remind him to complete certain assignments, there’s a good chance you are creating a child that hasn’t experienced much discipline or consequences. Give him the chance to fail, to learn lessons the hard way, and to become a fully-functional adult. The real world doesn’t cater to someone’s needs.

Children require your love, attention, and direction, but should not become your source of identity. Your well-being should not depend on how your child is behaving or performing. Children don’t need perfect parents or an expectation of perfection projected onto them.

As you let off the brakes in parenting, you become free to live a life outside of your child’s life. It’s hard to stop comparing and to let go of control, but it’s one of the best decisions you can make to live a more satisfying, balanced life.

How a Family Counselor Can Help

Deciding to go to a family counselor is one way to gain a different perspective. A family counselor can help you uncover insights that you might have overlooked in your fast-paced life. Participating in counseling might even be your first step to self-care and realigning your priorities. Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness – it is a sign of strength, so reach out today.