How to Cope with the Loss of a Spouse

The loss of a spouse may be the most difficult challenge anyone can experience. Whether it occurs suddenly or after a long battle with illness, the surviving partner is left shattered and distressed. As the individual begins learning how to live without their other half, it can be an overwhelming task. Understanding the steps and aspects of grieving can help make this process a little easier.

Accepting the Loss of a Spouse

The first primary response after the loss of a spouse is one of shock and disbelief.  Questions run through the mind of the grieving partner about whether their loved one is truly gone, never to return. Over time, they come to accept this new reality and stop denying the truth. They also gradually come to accept this knowledge as an emotional reality.

For example, when they turn to say something to their spouse out of habit, they soon remember that their spouse is gone. These daily habits that came from being together all the time are now painful reminders of loss. A common occurrence for grieving partners is to think that they see their loved one in a public place. They are then reminded of the loss as they realize the person just looks similar to their deceased spouse. For a moment, there was a glimmer of hope that their loved one wasn’t really gone after all.

Allowing Time to Grieve

Another necessary and natural part of the grieving process is experiencing the pain of the loss. This includes being willing to express and feel the hurt emotions that come with the death of a loved one. It is normal and even expected to grieve and feel pain in these circumstances.

As the surviving partner processes this incredible loss, it is actually beneficial to feel the ache and sorrow that comes with it. Additionally, it is natural to feel completely and totally alone in the world. There are also upsetting and negative emotions that will come up when thinking of their deceased partner. These feelings include:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Overwhelming guilt
• Anger
• Regret
• Despair

These strong emotions are just part of the unresolved and difficult emotions experienced in the relationship the mourner had with the deceased.

Hope through Christ amidst the Pain

Those who have a belief in Christ know that death is an unnatural event that we weren’t supposed to experience. However, because of the fall of Adam, we must all die and experience the grief that comes with death. The great news is that death is not the end. Christ conquered sin and death, and through His resurrection, we have the knowledge and hope of seeing our loved ones again.

Christian Counseling When Support is Needed Most

A mourning spouse needs the support of friends, family, and other social groups to help them process their grief. Unfortunately, this support often goes away after a few months as others have moved on and they expect the surviving spouse to do the same.

The heartache and pain are obviously not as prominent for others as it is for the partner who is left behind. When the spouse is finally getting over the shock and ready to fully grieve, others have usually finished their mourning. Therefore, the time when the hurting partner needs support the most, that support is often diminished.