The First Step in Codependency Recovery: Identify the Symptoms

Codependency is one of the most common aspects of an unhealthy relationship. While depending on each other can be a good thing in moderation, codependency causes one person to rely too heavily on the other, and can result in a whole host of emotional problems. Codependence: Healing the Human Condition author Charles L. Whitfield articulates the issue perfectly when he writes that codependence a “disease of lost selfhood.”

The codependent is constantly looking outside of themselves for fulfillment and happiness and may possess a particularly addictive personality. For example, a classic case of codependency is exhibited when a person is supporting their partner’s poor lifestyle or addictive habits out of a desire to ‘keep everybody happy.’ A refusal to acknowledge the problem breeds a greater dysfunction and often solidifies the relationship as fractured and unhealthy.

Codependence is often passed down through the generations. A child may grow up watching their parents exemplify a damaged and dysfunctional relationship, all the while believing it is normal and even beginning to enact it in their own lives. When they reach adulthood, they may deny that anything was amiss during their childhood years, and may insist that codependent relationships are completely standard.

12 Common Symptoms of Codependency

In order to achieve codependency recovery, we need to begin by identifying and acknowledging the symptoms.

Consider 12 key characteristics and symptoms of codependency:

Caretaking

Codependent individuals feel constantly responsible for the wellbeing of others. They are perpetually preoccupied with the person’s feelings, thoughts and actions; they pile pressure on themselves to solve all the person’s issues.

They experience a sense of safety when they are needed, and cannot handle someone else offering them any help. They will often deny their own need for self-care and routine and instead drop everything to help others. They quickly enter into a sort of ‘overly self-sacrificial’ way of living.

Very low self-worth

Codependents do not believe that they are worthy of good things. They reject compliments, shun any gifts bestowed upon them, and rarely allow themselves to receive support. Ironically, they may also feel as if they are being constantly passed over and that the world is set against them.

Repression

Codependents are often extremely controlled and unable to truly express themselves. They never want to put their trust in other people out of a fear that they will be rejected or judged.

Obsession

Codependents may become obsessive about the problems of others while neglecting or refusing to face their own issues. They expend all of their focus and energy on another person and display anxiety over this person’s problems.

Controlling

Codependents are always seeking to control their environment and can rarely put trust in others to take care of things. Their need to control those who are living chaotic or unbalanced lives is fueled by an innate inability to achieve a healthy balance in their own lives despite their best efforts to manipulate their surroundings.

Denial

Codependents will continually deny that anything is wrong with their way of living. They may medicate themselves in order to cope with any feelings that result from their mindset, but they refuse to deal with the root cause of their codependency.

Bad communicators

Codependents are often very poor communicators. They may coerce and manipulate others and refuse to say what they mean. They are compulsive gossipers and struggle to say ‘no.’ They often feel as if they are bothering others and that everything is their fault.

No boundaries

Codependents are unable to create healthy and sustainable boundaries in their lives. They love to rescue and help the other person, but this allows people to walk all over them. It becomes second nature for others to trample all over what boundaries the codependent may have had, and this becomes a recurring pattern in their lives.

Trust issues

Codependents lack trust in themselves and others. They struggle to trust themselves when it comes to decision making, but cannot bring themselves to place their trust in the hands of others.

Anger issues

Codependents are often overwhelmed with responsibility, giving more of themselves than is healthy. Coupled with an inability to say no, this starts to affect them emotionally. However, the codependent may not be able to articulate their feelings, so they might come out in bursts of anger. They may get sick often, overreact, and become volatile in their behavior.

Problems with sex

Codependents may experience issues with sexual relations. The inability to be vulnerable with another person can cause them to reject the whole idea of sexual intimacy. Alternatively, they may falsely believe that they are compelled to engage in sex in order to be truly loved and thus choose to have sex even if they don’t want to.

Christian Counseling for Codependency Recovery

While the above list is far from comprehensive, hopefully it gives you some useful insights into the behavior of codependents and the issues surrounding relational codependency. Codependency can become incredibly unhealthy and can lead to bouts of depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. But there is hope! Codependency recovery is possible. With a trained mental health professional, you can receive the therapy required to rewire your thinking and shift your behavior from codependency to a healthy, balanced, and self-assured style of living.