How to Manage Someone Who Is Passive Aggressive

You have probably run into the passive-aggressive coworker, friend, or family member – the person who manages to deal blows without physically hitting you. They leave you emotionally drained. Even if you recognize the behavior, their tactics can leave you frustrated. Recognizing passive aggressiveness in people and managing your interactions are the first steps in dealing with the behavior.

Passive Aggressive Behaviors

The first step in managing passive-aggressive behavior in others is to educate yourself about it. Some behaviors are blatant, and you may recognize them immediately, such as slamming doors or posting vague yet mean-spirited posts on social media. However, others are more subtle, such as offering to “help” you look better.

The following are several passive-aggressive behaviors.

Paying You a Back-Handed Compliment

A back-handed compliment is a vaguely disguised insult. It sounds pretty on the outside initially, but deep down, it is intended to hurt your feelings. You may not recognize the back-handed compliment the first time, but if you notice a pattern or the words make you feel terrible, then it may be time to address the problem.

Offering to Help “Fix” You

Offering to “help” or “fix” you is another subtle passive-aggressive behavior. For example, out of the blue, your coworker announces she wants to give you the name and number of her hairdresser to help with your frizzy and brassy hair color. This “help” is uninvited. Notice whether the person continues to point out your flaws, which may not be flaws at all. You might have gorgeous hair, and they are just jealous and want to hurt you.

Posting on Social Media, But Not Calling Anyone Out Directly

We’ve all seen the posts on social media, directed at someone, although no one is tagged. Typically, it is an insult or what the person would say if they weren’t afraid of confrontation. They choose social media to sound challenging, but in reality, they are using it as an outlet.

Manipulating You To Get Their Own Way

Going behind your back to complain to others is another form of manipulation. This person may smile and agree with you with words like, “Of course.” However, they run to others to try to strategize to get their own way. They may think they are being clever by gaining your trust while they manipulate events within their control. These individuals often lie to achieve their goals, as long as they keep their deception hidden.

Slamming Doors and Cabinets

Slamming doors and cabinets to let you know they are upset, but not explaining why they are mad, is a passive-aggressive maneuver. It is a way for them to lash out at you. Unfortunately, slamming doors or giving someone the silent treatment does not help express emotions or communicate effectively.

Toxic relationships, friendships, and workplaces can negatively impact your health. No one has the right to destroy your belongings or make you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them.

Tips for Managing Passive Aggressiveness

Don’t let that coworker, friend, or family member bully you with their passive-aggressive behavior. Take a stand by not reacting the way they expect. Stay unbothered.

Here are several tips for managing passive aggressiveness.

Understand that something is driving their behavior

Most people are not mean-spirited all the time. Something is driving passive-aggressive behavior. Perhaps they are angry about something, but are unable to express themselves effectively. Or maybe they feel out of control of a situation or threatened by you. Don’t fall into the trap of engaging in their behavior.

Be direct, but stay unbothered

People who engage in passive-aggressive behaviors are seldom direct, and many hate confrontation. Be direct. Voice your concerns about their behavior and how it affects you. However, don’t react emotionally to their behavior. Stay unbothered as much as possible. You control your reactions.

Communicate your expectations

There are always consequences for actions and inaction. Communicate your expectations and consequences directly to the person. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusative and creating more conflict.

Acknowledge that you must protect your peace

Ultimately, you must prioritize your peace for the sake of your mental and emotional well-being. This may mean that you need to limit the time you spend with the passive-aggressive person. At the very least, limit your interaction, if possible.

Finding Support in Culver City, California

If you are looking for more information on managing passive-aggressive behavior in yourself or others, call us today at Culver City Christian Counseling in California. A member of our reception team will connect you with a Christian counselor in Culver City who can guide you through strategies based on science, combined with the Christian faith. Reach out today to get started.