Narcissism Traits You Need to Know

Chances are you know a narcissist. It could be a boss, a family member, or possibly a regretted ex. Narcissists are magnetically charismatic at first glance, but upon further inspection you discover they constantly manipulate conversations to make it about themselves, they worry obsessively about keeping up pristine appearances, and they can’t handle criticism of any form. In short, the world revolves around them and it would be a grave mistake to suggest otherwise.

Narcissists Are All About Their Selfies

The selfie-loving generation is a breeding ground for narcissism traits to thrive. A narcissist naturally keeps a close eye on the growing number of friends on their social media accounts while staring at their posts to ensure the number of likes continue to climb to satisfy their perpetual hunger for recognition and status.

Of course, a little narcissism can be good for you. Confidence, self-sufficiency, or boosted self-esteem can all contribute to a healthy degree of narcissism. Narcissism becomes a disorder when they jump at any opportunity to have their ego stroked, don’t shy away from excessively boasting in their abilities or accomplishments, and ultimately begin to manipulate and exploit those around them.

Is There a Narcissist Near You?

“Narcissists thrive in big, anonymous cities, entertainment-related fields (think reality TV), and leadership situations where they can dazzle and dominate others without having to cooperate or suffer the consequences of a bad reputation.”

Does anybody come to mind? Many celebrities and predominate leaders fit this description, as fame and fortune have fueled their self-absorbed nature. The irony is that narcissists are blindly unaware that they’re narcissists.

“Graduate student Erica Carlson and her colleagues found that college students scoring high in narcissism rated themselves more intelligent, physically attractive, likable, and funny than others, as well as more power-oriented, impulsive, arrogant, and prone to exaggerate their abilities!”

Narcissists’ friends won’t stick around for long. Although people are instantly drawn to their charm and domineering personality, eventually narcissists ruin relationships when they don’t get the admiration they desire. They move on quickly to repeat the same pattern with the next friend.

Narcissists usually like to keep friends around who will continue to celebrate them and puff up their self-image with praise. These relationships eventually run out of steam. The extreme levels of attention-seeking make it near impossible to form functioning, mutually beneficial relationships. Using power to exploit and coerce others is an instant way to burn bridges.

If someone disagrees with a narcissist’s behavior, the narcissist chalks it up to intense jealousy or inability to recognize the value added by the narcissist friend. Narcissists focus on their good deeds to compensate for the bad deeds and don’t see how they could have any responsibility for the rapid revolving door of relationships.

How Do They Get Away With It?

Narcissists are initially attractive, as they flaunt confidence and self-assuredness beautifully. People who are only vaguely familiar with a narcissist would notice the admirable characteristics and be oblivious to the underlying character traits that wreak havoc. Because they can’t handle criticism, approaching and addressing a narcissist’s behavior can carry huge backlash. Most narcissists are left to their own devices.

“Narcissists get away with these unsavory antics because, at least initially, they are so charming. Psychologist Mitja D. Back of Johannes Gutenberg-University in Mainz, Germany, and his colleagues deconstructed the ‘charismatic air’ that many narcissists exude: attractiveness, competence, interpersonal warmth, and humor.”

Who Would Dare Date a Narcissist, Anyway?

Romantic relationships with narcissists can become toxic. Drama-seeking women tend to gravitate toward narcissistic men because they enjoy the chaos of being charmed and rejected. Women with low self-confidence are often natural targets for male narcissists, as the narcissist will overshadow their low self-esteem partner. Male narcissists who demand control can attract codependent women who hope to fix their self-centered partner or habitually place their partner’s needs ahead of their own.

Dating someone with narcissism traits is thrilling at the beginning. Narcissists will behave like a true Prince Charming as they shower their partner in love and affection, but a few months later the continual rejection sets in.

“Campbell and his colleagues found that people who date narcissists are highly satisfied for about four months, at which point they report a rapid decline in relations. Ironically, the four-month mark is when people start to reach peak satisfaction when dating non-narcissists.” (3)

How Christian Counseling Can Help Narcissists

It’s a challenge for your identity to rest in who Christ says you are when your identity is found in what the world has to offer you. If you are struggling with narcissistic behaviors, you are not alone. Jesus knows our inclination to focus on ourselves instead of on Him.

Even John the Baptist shared a powerful message in John 3:30, “He must become greater. I must become less.” Perhaps this is your prayer too, but a high view of yourself is resulting in a low view of God. It’s paramount to shift your perspective if you want to experience growth.

Jesus opposes pride, but shows favor to the humble (James 4:6). Humbling yourself to admit the need for counseling is a brave step. Meeting with a godly counselor can help you discover the indescribable and incomparable love to be found in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

A professional Christian counselor is equipped to help you see where you’ve overestimated yourself and underestimated others and how you can make those views more realistic. If any of this has struck a chord in your heart, consider making an appointment with a Christian counselor today and be on your way to becoming exactly who God always designed you to be.