Marriage is the first institution described in Scripture. Jesus’ commentary on marriage affirms the concept of one woman and one man becoming one flesh. Married Christians are exhorted to love and respect their spouses as a way of reverencing Christ. Such Biblical truths suggest that marriage is the most important relationship in any household. Entering into marriage is therefore momentous, exhilarating, and sobering.
Pre-Marital Counseling Questions
Below are some important questions to answer before saying, “I do.”
Is this God’s will for me?
Apart from the privileges, marriage also comes with responsibilities and limitations – it is therefore not a fit for everyone. The question you should ask yourself is, “Am I ready to become one with this person – spiritually, physically, in partnership, and emotionally?”
You should also ask yourself whether you are willing to respect and submit to this person by deferring your own preferences for the rest of your life.
Are your personalities in sync?
Do you complement each other? Do you feel accepted “as is” by the other person? Do you accept them “as is”? Do you like them and enjoy being in their presence? Can both of you laugh together and at each other? Do you feel safe enough to reveal yourself?
Do you feel safe to confront or be confronted? Are you physically attracted to them? Does your partner find you attractive? Do you share common interests? Is there evidence that you can work well together?
What are you bringing into the marriage?
Are you aware of what you are bringing into the marriage from your past? How does that past affect your current relationship? Without genuine repentance and emotional healing, the negative patterns of the past might recur.
What are the losses, wounds, reactions, and expectations that you will be bringing into the relationship? Have you taken initiative to handle these issues with your partner? Do you know the person’s family background?
What’s your communication like?
Do you communicate well and understand each other? Do you resolve hurts and conflicts? If yes, how do you do it?
Are you spiritually compatible?
Do you have a common understanding of life’s important values? How does your beloved affect the way you relate to God? Does the person encourage you to have a better relationship with God? Do you feel inspired by your partner to be a better person? If you are a Christian, does your partner encourage you to love Jesus first? Do you pray together?
Do you agree on finances?
Do you have the same stand on fundamental financial principles? Can you afford marriage? Will you afford to save after meeting all your joint expenses?
What do friends and family think?
Do you enjoy the support of those closest to you? Do you have friends and family that would support your marriage?
How emotionally mature are you?
Can you say you are both emotionally mature? Do both of you take personal responsibility? Would you say your relationship is transparent? Have you earned the trust of the other person? Is your relationship based on truth-telling and keeping? Are there any addictions? Is there goodwill for seeking help in dealing with any struggles?
Christian Pre-Marital Counseling
Christian counseling can help you address the above and any other questions before tying the knot. As a Christian, it is a good idea to get a counselor who is not only licensed but also shares the same Biblical values as you. A Christian pre-marital counselor will help you discern how ready you are for marriage.
“Please, Lord,” courtesy of Ben White, unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Where You Going?” courtesy of Lizzie Guilbert, unsplash.com, Public Domain License; “Devotions,” courtesy of Ben White, unsplash.com, CC0 Public Domain License; “Happiness,” courtesy of Andrew Welch, unsplash.com, CC0 License
