Premarital Counseling Topics to Discuss with Your Partner

He’s popped the question. You said, “Yes!” Now, you’ve entered the season of engagement that includes choosing a venue, cake-tasting appointments, dress fittings and bridal showers. Couples take months to plan a wedding that only lasts a day, yet often neglect to focus on their marriage which will last a lifetime.

It’s easy to get carried away by the flurry of activity involved in wedding planning, but don’t let it distract you from growing in intimacy during the pre-marital season.

Premarital counseling is designed to improve your relationship, discuss important issues and increase intimacy incrementally. Couples have an idea of what marriage will look like, or what their vision for marriage is. Intentional conversations will help uncover these ideas and strengthen your marriage before it even starts.

Increase Intimacy Before Walking Down The Aisle

Premarital counseling is one of the best tools to use to prepare you for walking down the aisle and entering into marriage. Here are the four topics to help increase intimacy as two people join together as one.

Communication

Communication is the key to success in relationships. How you communicate, what you communicate and when you communicate are important factors to discuss and explore.

Premarital counseling topics provide a safe place to begin practicing open, honest communication. You can examine each other’s communication styles and uncover the family history that has shaped your communication style.

One person may have never seen their parents effectively resolve conflict after a disagreement. A premarital counselor can help sharpen your communication skills in specific areas. Each partner has a unique form of communicating that might differ greatly from the other partner.

Most couples discover they are speaking different languages in their communication with each other which creates frustration and friction. Not being able to effectively communicate leaves partners feeling misunderstood and can create a wider communication gap if it persists.

Learning each other’s “language” takes time, but will prove to be invaluable during the marriage. The earlier you can master communication, the smoother your marriage can be. It’s impossible to always know what your partner is thinking or feeling, and couples shouldn’t expect it. Learn to communicate early and often in marriage. Speak words of life and encouragement over each other. Your dialogue often determines your direction.

Sexuality

Sex and sexuality can be uncomfortable topics to discuss, especially before marriage. Due to its taboo nature, most Christian couples don’t take time to explore this topic and try to figure everything out as they go. This isn’t always the most beneficial route to take.

Premarital counseling is the ideal place to talk about expectations, discuss any lingering questions and bring up any concerns that exist. Creating an open and safe atmosphere gives couples a place to discuss expectations without pressure.

If you are a couple that’s waiting until your wedding night, you might want to alleviate some nervousness and openly discuss any questions beforehand or share how you will cater to each other’s sexual desires.

You may want to even talk about practical subjects like what method of birth control you will be using if any. If you’ve already been sexually active, you might want to discuss your concerns about how marriage could change your sex life.

Sexuality is such a broad and robust topic. Spending time to discuss what you think intimacy will look like after marriage and how to continue to bond sexually with your spouse can help prepare you for the road ahead.

Inner World

Most people long to be fully known and truly loved. The process of being known can feel intimidating and slightly terrifying at first. You must push past the fears to reach new levels of intimacy and trust. A great way to begin practicing this is to share your dreams, fears, and hopes.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman call the process of learning about your partner’s inner world as building “love maps.” Research done by Dr. John Gottman indicates that couples that have detailed love maps have stronger and more intimate relationships compared to couples who have less developed love maps. Humans are constantly changing and, as a result, their hopes, fears, and desires change along the way too.

You can only get out of your relationships what you put in. Purposely investing time into getting to know your partner will be rewarding for your relationship long-term. Practicing building your love map should be done when both partners are in the right emotional state to listen to what the other will share.

You can take turns asking questions and sharing past setbacks and future dreams. It’s vital to have a deep understanding of each other which includes knowing backgrounds, emotional wounds, major habits and personality traits. When you truly understand what makes your spouse unique, you cherish that person for how God has made them and how life has shaped them.

Conflict Management

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship and, contrary to what some believe, it’s a sign of a healthy relationship. Conflict shouldn’t be avoided at all costs. If handled maturely, it can be a catalyst for intimacy in the relationship.

Learning, practicing and developing healthy conflict management skills is critical. Once couples acquire the proper conflict management skills, they will be able to resolve issues, avoid causing unnecessary pain, and get to know each other on a deeper level.

Some partners saw parents solve conflict by yelling at each other and other never saw a conflict resolved in their life. Conflict doesn’t have to resemble a fight or turn into the silent treatment.

Take a look at your conflict resolving patterns first. This will assist you in identifying where communication becomes destructive instead of constructive. Once identified, you and your partner can collaborate to map out better ways of resolving conflict that won’t inflict pain, but instead, create opportunities for growth.

Talk to a Christian Premarital counselor

A Christian counselor can help facilitate these conversations and navigate sensitive subjects.

A counselor may provide materials, practice exercises or ask eye-opening questions to help you get to know your partner better.

It’s important to remember to extend grace toward one another along this journey. No couple is perfect and will be able to implement all the strategies flawlessly. Premarital counseling sheds lights on topics you may have glossed over during the dating season and creates a greater awareness overall.

It takes time to find harmony in marriage as two completely different persons join as one. Open communication with each other and a Christian counselor can create a smooth transition while nurturing intimacy. If you are engaged, or seriously dating, and are searching for a premarital counselor, we would love to work with you to prepare for the marriage God intended you to have.