Finding Forgiveness after a Fall

Like many suspense-laden thrillers where we can see danger creeping toward the protagonist, we find ourselves talking back to the screen. We shout warnings, urging the characters to listen, run, turn around, or get back in the car. Suddenly, we remember. They can’t hear us. It’s fiction and, furthermore, it’s pre-recorded.

Sometimes, when we experience the Bible coming alive, we encounter the same thing. We talk back to the text. We engage in full conversation with the characters, but again, they can’t hear us. It was real, but their account is our example. From a reader’s perspective, Adam and Eve’s story seems clear. They could have chosen differently. However, that is only clear to us because we’ve skipped ahead to know the story eventually gets better than they could have imagined.

We notice the same phenomena in our own lives. We watch the script unfolding, sometimes recognizing the alternate path in hindsight. While we are living it, we don’t always listen for God’s voice, instead, choosing the way of hard and unnecessary consequences. For us as believers, sin and outcomes don’t hide.

Bankrupt and Broken

Sin, as we have seen in our own lives and throughout Scripture, leads to death and a handful of other pitfalls along the way (Romans 6:23). In shame, we cover and hide. Like the first humans, we retreat into the darkness, immobilized by it. Instead of boldly coming to the throne of grace, we patch our own righteousness, leaving us bankrupt and broken.

Under any circumstance, sin breeds discontent, insecurity, and shame. Likewise, when we engage in sex as unmarried believers, we introduce unnecessary confusion and trouble. God created pleasure. Everything He made was good, but part of what makes it enriching is following His plan and timing for goodness and gifts. There are consequences that come, from unplanned pregnancies, disease, and shame.

We make idols when we prefer our will over God’s will. Instead of giving Him glory, we worship our relationship, our partner, and essentially our own pleasure when we prioritize our desire above the God who created it. Most often, we don’t set out with the intention to disobey God, but it often occurs as we build up a tolerance to sin’s poison, allowing the enemy to gain a foothold.

He knows it, relentlessly weaponizing our pure desires until we use an impure alternative to gratify them. God stands ready to source our desires with Himself, but if we refuse to escape harm’s way, we leave ourselves vulnerable to sin and inevitable pain.

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” — 1 Corinthians 10:13, NIV

Anatomy of a Soul Tie

The enemy wants to taunt us with the forbidden. He lulls us into compromise, much like he did in Eden. Of course, God wants to give us good things, but He also wants to give them to us in a way consistent with His own Sovereign Heart. It isn’t that sex is evil, but rather so powerful and special that He placed it in a protected environment called marriage.

When we engage in physical intimacy with another person, we release several processes that connect our bodies and our souls. Once we have formed a soul tie with a person who is not our spouse, we subject our mental and emotional states to be influenced by the enemy’s confusion, condemnation, and unrest.

Entangled and Tied

This is important for us to realize because the soul tie is essential to becoming one in a marriage. It reinforces the bond and knits us to our spouse as God intended. When we forge this kind of connection outside of marriage, it works against us because we lack the covering or protection of covenant.

Pleasure will feel good to the body and sometimes cause us to experience an addictive euphoria, but it aims to destroy our souls. When we have compromised God’s Word by trading what our flesh wants for His standard, we challenge our ability to hear Him clearly. Every relationship is not heaven sent. Some are distractions, intended to abort our pursuit of purpose. Others sabotage our identity.

The soul ties of single sex affect our discernment and decision-making. Sin and soul ties cloud our ability to recognize if a partner is well matched for our life’s purpose in God’s kingdom. Instead of being able to decide soberly, we intoxicate ourselves, distorting the ability to abandon or pursue a deeper relationship.

Finding Forgiveness

God’s Plan

While we can’t reverse Adam and Eve’s actions, God had already built in a plan for salvation to redeem us with His one and only Son. Because of Him, we are free to emerge from the shadows of shame. Instead, we can stand firm in faith, knowing that Jesus secured our freedom.

We don’t have to wrestle with the agony of self-loathing to atone for what Christ has already redeemed. While the Lord forgives our sin, He will also equip us with the wisdom and grace to manage the consequences of our decisions, bringing another dimension of wholeness to the process.

The Attack

While we are healing and rebuilding, the enemy wants to bury us under condemnation. We may have moments where we replay the scenarios in our minds or even suppress uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. However, we don’t have to subject ourselves to the fear that provokes mental torment (1 John 4:18).

Jesus died once, for all people, and for all past, present, and future sin (1 Peter 3:18). It is up to us to confess it, receive His sacrifice, and believe God that we are forgiven, even though our feelings suggest otherwise. Searching and confessing scriptures that remind us of our identity, will assert peace over minds and hearts, it will fortify our inner person with the spiritual armor to stand against the enemy (2 Corinthians 5:17; Philippians 4:8; Ephesians 6:10).

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” — 1 John 1:9, NASB

While believers often speak about forgiving others, we don’t always explore the damaging effects that shame, guilt, and regret have on us. The voice of condemnation surfaces, reminding us of everything that we’ve done, and twisting it to make us feel that we can never recover from a fall.

We must silence the enemy with the Word, confessing out the truth that God speaks about us. In this way, we demonstrate that forgiveness is a decision, agreeing with God that our identity is greater than our actions alone.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our wrongdoings from us.” — Psalms 103:12, NASB

Not that we glorify Adam and Eve’s fall or that of our own, but it paved the way for God’s redeeming grace. His great love saved us from eternal destruction and is still delivering and healing us. As we explore who and what God wants to be to us and for us, we can search for specific verses to deepen our understanding of Him in new ways.

We may stumble, but we can seek God for the wisdom and strategy to guard against attacks. Finding refuge in the One who loved us enough to lay down His life and resurrect us, we can stand with Him in victory.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1, NIV

Next Steps

While you are rebuilding strength, remember that the Greater One lives in you (1 John 4:4). Even on your worst day, you are still more than a conqueror through Christ who loved you (Romans 8:37). Arm and equip yourself with that to receive the truth in your inward parts that still need healing (Psalm 51:6). Locate safe and accountable support people who will help us pray, heal, and grow.

If you find you are struggling to forgive yourself or feel defeated by sin, perhaps a counselor can help. Reach out to us today and we can connect you to a Christian counselor to walk your healing journey with you. They will offer empathy and perspective as you break the soul ties, heal from shame, and find forgiveness and redemption after a fall.