How to Manage Anger: 4 Tips for Bringing Anger Under Control

All of us encounter situations that are less than ideal. It could be at work, at home, or the grocery store. Someone steps on your toes at the checkout line. A colleague takes sole credit for a collaborative effort that yielded success. A friend betrays a trust. When these things happen, one of the ways we can respond is by getting angry. However, many people don’t know how to manage anger.

What is causing your anger?

When you get angry, it can be tempting to dismiss or suppress the feeling. This can be a mistake. God created us with the ability to feel things, to experience our world through our emotions, and to have emotional reactions to what we encounter.

However, it needs to be acknowledged that anger can be sinful, for example, when it is easily triggered, sparked for sinful reasons, inordinate, habitual, or when it causes harm to us or other people, etc. (see James 1:19-21).

We should always be cautious with anger. While we shouldn’t dismiss or try to suppress righteous anger, sinful anger, on the other hand, should never be expressed and must be repented of and killed in the heart.

A healthier way to manage anger is to acknowledge it, evaluate it, attempt to understand what is causing it, and then, only if it is righteous anger, express it in appropriate ways. Being able to discern what is causing your anger is a helpful first step in your journey toward healthy anger.

When you are feeling angry, your anger could be caused by several things, including the following:

You are masking vulnerability or sin.

Anger is a powerful emotion, and it can function as a substitute for what you are truly feeling, such as fear, shame, humiliation, pain, or true guilt. It can be easier to feel and express anger than to allow yourself to feel these other emotions and address them.

Most often, anger is a result of one’s sinful pride. It is the attitude that says “How dare he/she do that to me?” as if we are the center of the world and are always right. This kind of anger, and the pride that drives it, are grave sins that need to be repented of.

You are under threat somehow.

The threat you are experiencing may be real or perceived, it may be physical or aimed at your sense of dignity, or it may be a violation of one or more of your boundaries. Anger is one of the ways we react when we are under threat, so pay attention to what angers you, because it lets you know that a boundary is being crossed.

Sometimes a person can feel angry without any obvious reason. Traumatic memories, when they are triggered, can lead to seemingly unexplained anger. Such pain, when it is not properly processed, does not just go away; it can resurface when it is triggered by a sight, sound, smell, or a particular situation. It may be the result of an unprocessed traumatic experience, making it all the harder to manage anger.

You have an unmet need.

The other thing that anger can tell us is that there is a need we have that is not being met. That need may be to feel significant, to be cared for, or to be heard and seen. When these needs are not met, whether through you being dismissed, ignored, or isolated, it can result in anger.

Your values or cherished opinions are under threat.

We feel deeply about the things we care about. If you find yourself in a situation where you compromise yourself or your deepest held beliefs and values, that can result in feelings of anger or even shame. Also, if the things you believe or hold to be true are challenged or questioned, that too can result in feelings of anger because it can come across as a threat to your person.

Tips for how to manage anger

As a powerful emotion, anger can move you to do both great (when righteous) and terrible (when sinful) things. Struggling to contain your anger, or experiencing damaged relationships because of things you have said or done while angry, indicates you have a problem with sinful anger that needs to be resolved.

A few tips for bringing your anger under control include the following:

Acknowledge how you are feeling.

Repressed or suppressed anger can be harmful. Eventually, it will leak or erupt in your relationships, causing damage to you and those closest to you. Own what you are feeling, especially if your anger is masking other, more uncomfortable feelings you would rather not experience.

Calm yourself.

Something as simple as taking a deep breath can help you calm down enough so you do not rush headlong into saying or doing something you will regret. Breathing techniques, stepping away for a walk, and visualization techniques can all help to calm you enough to clear the fog of anger and make a rational and helpful choice.

Evaluate your anger.

If it is righteous anger, then move on to the next tip, but if it is unrighteous or sinful anger, then immediately repent before God, asking for His forgiveness for your sin and His help to be rid of sinful anger in your life.

Assess your options.

Even righteous anger can short-circuit your thinking, making you jump to conclusions, and make poor decisions. After calming yourself and evaluating your anger, see what options are available for you to address the situation. Sometimes, some well-placed humor may diffuse the tension. At other times, creative thinking or listening can help get to the heart of the issue and find viable solutions.

Appropriately express your anger.

Even when righteous, anger ought to be expressed, appropriately. That may mean talking it out, expressing and implementing boundaries, or working on the underlying issues.

Having anger issues can impact a person’s life significantly. If you find that you struggle with anger, you can talk with a counselor in Culver City, California who specializes in anger management.

Your counselor in Culver City can help you better understand your anger, and they can help you learn effective ways of coping so that your health and relationships flourish. Reach out to us at Culver City Christian Counseling today and we can help you connect with a counselor at our counseling office in Culver City, California.