How to Manage Perfectionism and Anxiety

It may seem contrary to link perfectionism to anxiety, but perfectionists typically struggle with anxious thoughts. We tend to believe that people who set and achieve goals are above mental conditions (although everyone struggles with their own issues).

There is a difference between someone who sets ambitious goals and reaches them and a perfectionist. The former doesn’t take failure personally and is willing to make mistakes to reach their goal. A perfectionist, on the other hand, bases their behavior on fear.

This fear could stem from failure, disappointing people, making mistakes and embarrassing themselves. The fear could be due to black-and-white thinking (all-or-nothing) or comparing themselves and their work ethic, parenting, or home life to those on social media platforms.

Perfectionism and anxiety go hand in hand. It can also lead to depression and coexist as part of another mental condition, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). People with OCD can rarely function without engaging in compulsive, perfectionist behaviors. They may also try to get others to follow their lead. For example, they may complain about others not folding the towels correctly or organizing the pantry.

Ways to manage perfectionism and anxiety.

You can manage your perfectionism which may lower your anxiety. However, as you work through each strategy, you may find the changes uncomfortable, especially if your behaviors are ingrained habits. For example, if you have always scheduled every task into a planner and live by a schedule, then the idea of leaving time open for spontaneous activity may frighten you. You might worry that you are leaving things undone.

Anytime we operate outside of an unhealthy habit, we will feel uncomfortable. This sensation will eventually subside if you keep from giving in to it.

However, if your perfectionism is due to a mental condition like OCD, you will need treatment to quell the thoughts and emotions that drive the compulsive behaviors. In addition, you may need to take smaller steps to overcome your perfectionist impulses.

Get realistic about sustainable actions.

Do you make ambitious plans and then beat yourself up when you cannot complete them on time? Bill Gates says, “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.” Arguably, the same could be said about what a person can do in one day, week, or month.

If you have an all-or-nothing mindset, you may give up too soon if you think you cannot complete a project within a specific time. Instead of pivoting and becoming fluid to reach your goal, you criticize yourself. Often, you are your biggest critic.

When you make your to-do list, try only listing the top three things that absolutely need doing that day. Of course, you will have other tasks you want to tackle, but choose the three that are important and urgent. If possible, start with the most challenging task first. Then give yourself praise when you complete those few tasks.

Have someone review your goals.

Are your goals too ambitious? Your goals may be self-imposed and unrealistic. If you set unsustainable tasks or goals, you decrease the likelihood of actually accomplishing them and only increase your anxiety level.

For example, if you set a goal to make 100 sales calls in three days but take extra time with each call providing customer service, you will feel like a failure if you don’t hit your mark by the end of the third day. This is where a mindset shift can be helpful.

You may not have hit your goal of 100 sales calls, but how many did you complete? Maybe you hit 50 calls in three days and made 25 sales. When you flip the perspective, you can now congratulate yourself on your impressive stats of making one sale for every two calls.

Have a trusted friend review your tasks and projects for the week. Knowing your limits, they may be able to help you create an achievable goal within the time frame or ensure your workload is sustainable.

Make mistakes.

Perfectionism is often rooted in fear of making a mistake. Perhaps as a child, someone punished you for mistakes or minor accidents. Or, you are worried about embarrassing yourself or disappointing a loved one or your boss.

Yet, having the freedom to make mistakes helps us grow. To accomplish greater things, you must learn to be okay with making mistakes. For example, if you wrote a novel five years ago but have never submitted it to an agent because you are afraid you have missed a typo, then you may never query an agent, and the book will sit untouched for years.

But if you accept that mistakes happen and that you have done your best, you can submit it to agents and work on another project. But unfortunately, the fear of making mistakes will keep you from moving forward or saying yes to opportunities.

Recognize procrastination.

Procrastination is another form of perfectionism, and it only perpetuates your anxiety. Let’s take taxes, for example. You know that you need to file your taxes, but you need to have all the worksheets and forms together in one place. You also understand that your taxes are a little complicated and will probably take a few hours to complete.

The more you think about it, the more you are worried that you will complete the forms incorrectly. You might gather the documents and worksheets and research online tax software programs to make the process easier. But the fear of messing up on something so important paralyzes you.

Before you know it, it is the evening of April 15, the tax deadline, and you are scrambling to submit your taxes on time. Your anxiety is through the roof, and you have a tension headache. You are unsure if you are making mistakes since you are rushing through the process.

Do you procrastinate at work and home? Do you wait until the deadline to work on a project, feeling like a failure when you turn it in because it isn’t the result you imagined? Try breaking those larger projects into smaller tasks. In the case of the taxes, maybe you could have gathered the forms and completed one worksheet every Saturday morning before you started your weekend fun.

If you chose a tax software program that bookmarks your place in the process, you could have set a timer to work on the taxes for ten minutes at a time, saved your progress, and scheduled another ten minutes the next day. Recognize procrastination and make the project doable by working in small increments.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

A common pitfall for many people is comparing their lives to the lives, homes, and careers of social media influencers and celebrities. Unfortunately, this comparison can make you feel like you are a terrible spouse, parent, or employee because you do not go the extra mile like the people you follow.

But remember that these clips on social media depict the highlight of someone’s life. The influencer creates content for likes and followers. Just because you see a mother decorating her whole house in expensive Christmas decorations while baking cookies does not mean that you are a terrible parent for working forty hours a week and setting up a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve.

If you try to “keep up with the Joneses’” you will burn out quickly. Trying to make every holiday and family get-together perfect is an unrealistic expectation. You cannot control other people, situations, or events. Instead, list what you would like to do and what you can manage regarding your schedule, workload, and commitments.