Single Mom Help: “He Needs a Father Figure”

“He needs a father figure.” This may be the most dreaded comment a single mother can hear. Whether you’re a single mom or not, you may have heard something similar. Society portrays single mothers as weak and deserving of pity. This perception leads people to offer their unsolicited opinions and comments to single mothers.

While these one-liners are often well-intentioned, they are often not well-received. People might believe they are offering single moms helpful advice, but they are unknowingly reinforcing the insecurities and fears that single mothers already face.

As a mom, you are probably concerned with whether your children will have a strong and responsible male role model in their lives and how an absent father will impact them. In an ideal world, every child would be surrounded by strong male and female role models. But we live in a broken world and sometimes healthy role models of either gender can be difficult to find.

God is your role model

The Bible states in Psalm 68:8 that God will be the father to the fatherless. God cares for you and your children. He alone provides the example we should all strive to follow whether we are a fatherless child or not. Following the heart and nature of God Himself will provide your child with the roadmap that he needs to be a productive and healthy follower of Christ when he reaches adulthood.

Christian mentors for the single mom

The Bible is full of notable examples of male mentors in the Bible. Joshua learned from Moses’ leadership. The Apostle Paul mentored young Timothy. Jesus served as a mentor to His disciples. He taught them about the kingdom of God and how to live as His followers.

Today, Christian mentors can still be found. Start by reaching out to a local church community. They may have programs that pair a child with a Christian mentor. Ask friends and family if they know of someone who would be a suitable mentor for your child. They may be able to connect you with someone who shares your Christian faith.

Balancing act for the single mom

Fulfilling the traditional roles of both parents in a single-parent household can be challenging. Between the duties of providing emotional and financial support and loving guidance, you may find that you struggle to maintain a balanced home life.

The most important thing you can do as a single parent is simply to be present with your child. Spend as much quality time with your children as possible, engage in meaningful conversations, and don’t feel guilty for the roles you can’t fulfill.

When possible, teach your child valuable life skills such as cooking, cleaning, and basic home repair. Modern families don’t fall into traditional gender roles. Be sure to empower your children with skills that have been traditionally associated with both males and females.

This will not only teach your child skills that will lead to their independence and balanced development but will give them the skills they need to help lighten your load of domestic responsibilities.

Therapy for your child

A Christian therapist can play a key role in supporting a child who is growing up with no father figure. Through therapy, a child can start to understand that his worth is not dependent on the presence of an earthly father. He can explore his identity as a child of the Heavenly Father.

A therapist can help a child work through feelings of abandonment or anger. Children with an absent father may have a difficult time understanding the concept of a faithful and loving Heavenly Father. A professional, Christian therapist can help your child realize that earthly fathers may abandon their children, but this is not a reflection of the love offered to us by God.

A therapist can also teach the child healthy coping strategies, conflict resolution, and self-esteem-building ideas.

Therapy: Finding single mom help

Single moms can also greatly benefit from therapy. A trained therapist can partner with you by giving you tools to cope with the stresses of parenting and helping you navigate through your child’s behavioral issues and tough questions. Therapy offers a safe space for emotional exploration and a healthy environment to develop personal growth strategies.

Empowered mothers

If you’re ever confronted with the statement, “He needs a father figure,” try to remember that most people are well-intentioned, even if their words are insensitive. Don’t despair. Recognize that your child has a Heavenly Father who can provide love, support, and guidance beyond what any earthly father figure could offer.

Your role as a single mom may come with a unique set of challenges, but it also comes with unique and wonderful opportunities that go beyond traditional parenting. Pointing your children toward their Heavenly Father who loves them unconditionally is the most powerful gift you can give your children.

If you need a little help, family, friends, the local church, and a Christian therapist can all team together to help you and your children thrive. Contact our office at Culver City Christian Counseling in California to find a Christian therapist who can be part of that team of helpers as you raise your children.