5 Signs of Unresolved Abandonment Trauma

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The word “abandonment” might conjure up images of a child left on a doorstep overnight, or a person left behind after their partner fled unexpectedly. That feeling of isolation, fear, and vulnerability sticks with us when we perceive we have been rejected or abandoned. Unresolved abandonment trauma tends to affect all of the relationships we get into later in life. This means it is important to be able to see the signs of it, either in ourselves or in the people we love.

Where It Begins

Many of us had childhood experiences where we felt helpless and alone, with no adults to help us. Abandonment trauma stems from moments like these, but it might also come from:

• Viewing the death of a loved one as abandonment.
• Ongoing neglect.
• Having immature or emotionally distant parents.
• Being ghosted by a friend or loved one.
• Experiencing emotional abuse at any age.

Moments or experiences like these affect our ability to trust people and cause us to withdraw emotionally to a place of safety. We might carry abandonment trauma into our old age if we don’t begin to process our past experiences and the beliefs we have built around them. A good place to start dealing with unresolved abandonment trauma is to observe the signs.

Signs of Unresolved Abandonment Trauma

Avoiding Confrontation

If we felt neglected as children or uncertain of our parents’ love, we probably stopped trusting people. We might have done anything we could to encourage affection or a more constant kind of care from our parents, and often that would mean not voicing our opinions or sharing our preferences.

As adults, we might avoid conflict altogether because we think that it will lead to people rejecting us or abandoning us. Unresolved abandonment trauma often shows up in being conflict-avoidant.

Minimizing Poor Treatment

Neglect is a form of emotional abuse and leads to abandonment trauma. If we experienced neglect or other types of abuse, that might have become our “norm,” that is to say, it was all we knew. When people cannot stand up for themselves over unfair treatment, it is usually because they have unresolved abandonment trauma.

Staying in Unhealthy Relationships

Similar to the last point, people who have an abandonment wound will tend to remain in relationships that are abusive and damaging. They would rather avoid confrontation than voice their opinion and face rejection. “We accept the love we think we deserve” has never been truer than in cases like these.

Feeling Overwhelmed at the Idea of Being Alone

People with unresolved abandonment trauma tend to cycle through relationships, ensuring that they are never single. They tend toward codependent dynamics, where they can be locked into a connection with someone who also fears rejection and abandonment. Just the mere thought of being single or living alone can be terrifying to them.

Need for Constant Company

Many people who were neglected or felt abandoned in childhood developed insecure attachment styles. This means that they cannot spend more than a few hours alone, feeling bored, unstimulated, or afraid. It might be obvious that they have a fear of abandonment, but they might play it off as simply desiring company or being extroverted.

If you or someone you love is dealing with unresolved abandonment trauma, counseling might help. Contact our offices today to begin the process. We can connect you with someone who can help. It’s never too late to begin the healing journey.