9 Signs of a Narcissist: Do These Sound Familiar?

Imagine a handsome man who thinks highly of himself. Wherever he goes, women admire him. But, he looks at them with disdain.

One day, he sees his reflection in a pool of water. Spellbound, he’s unable to recognize himself. He falls in love, but one day he realizes he’s in love with himself. Hopeless and anguished, he commits suicide. This Greek mythological figure, Narcissus, gave us our English word narcissism.

What are the signs of a narcissist? The dictionary defines narcissism as “excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one’s physical appearance.” Narcissistic traits or behavior don’t necessarily indicate a personality disorder.

Experts have clinically defined narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others” (Mayo Clinic).

9 Signs of a Narcissist

So, how can you know if you are a narcissist? Maybe a loved one has talked to you about your narcissistic behavior, or maybe you’re wondering if someone in your life is showing signs of being a narcissist.

Remember, all of us have some narcissistic traits, but not all of us have a personality disorder. According to the DSM-V, a person must display at least five of the following symptoms to be diagnosed with NPD:

Below are nine signs of a narcissist. Let’s discuss each one of these traits in detail.

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance, e.g. he or she exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.

Many people are proud, but a narcissist’s pride will often be significantly out of proportion to what they’ve achieved. Their belief in their own superiority is so deeply ingrained that they expect others to recognize it as well, even with no evidence.

For example, a narcissistic person might believe he is more intelligent than most of his friends and relatives, even though some of them are better educated. He might lecture them on intellectual topics, expecting them to be impressed by his “knowledge.”

2. Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

A person with NPD may disengage from their real life and find themselves constantly dreaming of the amazing success and love they desire. Their “dream world” can take the place of reality; they may underachieve and fail to make an effort in daily life.

This lack of effort stems from their belief that they deserve special treatment simply for being themselves. It may be difficult for other people to understand, especially for those who believe they should be rewarded for genuine effort, not for simply existing.

3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

Image and status are everything to a narcissist. In order to reinforce their superiority complex, they will try to associate with people of high status. They will try to gain “narcissistic supply” from these interactions. This term means that they need a constant source of attention to validate their sense of themselves. Receiving this attention from high-status people provides that supply for them.

4. Requires excessive admiration.

Although narcissists seem overly secure in themselves, their behavior conceals deep-rooted insecurity. Therefore, they need constant reminders of how amazing they are so they will not have to feel any shame or humiliation about anything, and so they can receive external validation for their perceived status and superiority.

For example, in the workplace, a narcissist may perform his tasks in an average or mediocre manner, but be incensed when his manager does not go above and beyond to recognize his “achievements,” because he wants to be admired simply for doing his job.

5. Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g. unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

A narcissist’s sense of entitlement is not a healthy self-image and a belief in their inherent value as a human being; rather, it is a belief in their superiority. They will feel that anything anyone does for them is simply a matter of course, even if it is a sacrifice.

For example, a narcissistic husband may expect his wife to cook his meals and wash his clothes, even when she’s sick, and wouldn’t think of thanking her for doing so. When other people take care of their responsibilities, that’s only what he expects. But when he takes care of his responsibilities, he expects gratitude and admiration (see point #4 above).

6. Is exploitative of others, e.g. takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

Narcissists use people. That’s the simplest explanation for this sign of narcissism. Unlike a psychopath, who lacks a moral code, or a sociopath, who enjoys hurting people, a narcissist might have some moral compass and isn’t necessarily a sadist; however, the narcissist will manipulate relationships and situations in order to benefit himself.

Example: A narcissist has no problem with a spouse serving her while she doesn’t balance the scales in kind. She will take and take and take rather than seeking a balanced relationship where both parties put in effort and engage in mutuality and reciprocity.

7. Lacks empathy, e.g. is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

A narcissist doesn’t put herself in anyone else’s emotional shoes. She may have cognitive empathy, or the ability to rationally comprehend how someone else feels, but she doesn’t have emotional empathy, or the ability to put herself in their place.

Therefore, she isn’t disturbed as most people would be by exploiting others. She simply doesn’t feel their pain.

Example: Someone gets hurt. How does the narcissist respond? Does she wince in pain as if she too got hurt? Or does she seem bored or even annoyed at the interruption to her day?

8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

A narcissist wants what other people have. According to Psychology Today, “If you succeed, their twisted logic tells them that your success means they failed.”

He believes that because of his specialness that other people must wish they were him, or want to be associated with him. This is often delusional thinking, or it may have some basis in reality due to the narcissist’s frequent ability to charm and persuade others into believing the best of him.

9. Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Again, just because someone is prideful doesn’t mean they have NPD. A narcissist who has an arrogant attitude combined with at least four other traits listed above has a destructive cocktail of negative personality traits. You might not notice these narcissistic behaviors in your initial interactions with a narcissist, but they often become apparent over time.

In romantic relationships, the narcissist often enters into a phase of “love bombing” in the initial stages, where he lavishes compliments, affection, and attention on his desired partner. In the same way, the narcissist knows how to win others over in platonic relationships, and his underlying motives can fly under the radar.

Narcissistic behavior can cause serious problems in relationships. Not all narcissists are abusers, but narcissistic traits can lend themselves to abuse (Psychology Today).

Christian Counseling for Narcissistic Traits

Narcissistic personality disorder is very difficult to treat because narcissists rarely admit their problems. If they do acknowledge their problematic behaviors, they may not see the need to change, since they don’t have empathy for how their behavior hurts others.

However, some narcissists can change. If you or someone you know can relate to the signs of a narcissist mentioned in this article, don’t lose hope. There is a path to healing, whether from narcissism itself or from the harm it causes in relationships. Browse our online counselor directory toda