Activities to Help the Grieving Process

In this fallen world, grief and loss are inevitable. The people we love may grow apart or move away; careers can be cut short; opportunities may close; personal dreams may be set aside to give way to other pressing matters; and, of course, everybody eventually dies.

But though grief and loss are expected to occur, experiencing it is usually always a painful process. Most people may go through days or even weeks of sadness, anger, confusion, or frustration which may affect their work or social life. Such feelings, though, are normal and expected. Eventually, as times passes, life goes on again.

However, not everyone can easily recover from grief and loss. While some people are okay in a few weeks’ time, others may take months or even years to recover, greatly affecting their work and other relationships.

The Different Kinds of Grief

Grief comes in many forms. The very common ones are anticipated grief, unexpected grief, grief over secondary losses, complicated grief, and disenfranchised grief.

Expected Grief

There are some life situations when a person already knows that something bad is going to occur such as the potential death of a loved one due to a terminal illness; the loss of a job due to expected retrenchment or retirement; or an upcoming and unwanted move to another city or country.

When such things occur, the sufferer may already be showing signs of grief even if the loss or change has not happened yet. The one “positive” here is that the person has time to prepare themselves – either on their own or with the help of others – before the actual loss.

Unexpected Grief

When a loss occurs unexpectedly, the impact of it may really hit a person hard. So while dealing with grief, there may also be symptoms of shock or trauma, greatly affecting how they may think, react, and relate to others. In very bad situations, the grief may severely hamper their family and work life to the point that professional help is necessary lest the person or their family falls apart.

Grief Over Secondary Losses

In some circumstances, an initial loss may cause subsequent losses, causing additional grief. For example, if the breadwinner of the family dies, potential bankruptcy for the family is possible as well as the loss of personal freedom by family members as much sacrifice may be needed to keep the household afloat. Children and teenagers often resent this change in their usual lifestyle resulting in them grieving even more.

Complicated Grief

While most people are able to move forward after a few weeks or months of grieving, some may end up grieving for more than a year. Instead of being healed over time, it seems that things just become worse as they are seemingly always thinking of what happened.

These sufferers have complicated grief. In such cases, either the loss was extremely painful or there are a number of other compounding factors (e.g. multiple losses, lack of support) that are making it very difficult to heal.

Disenfranchised Grief

A form of complicated grief that requires its own category is disenfranchised grief. In this situation, the grief that the sufferer is experiencing is something that cannot be openly acknowledged (e.g. loss of a secret mistress, suffering from a sexually transmitted disease) or something that society does not recognize or support as real grief (e.g. death of a celebrity one doesn’t personally know; loss of a favorite toy or possession; “death” of a comic book or TV character).

Disenfranchised grief may also pertain to those whose grieving time is abnormally long for the situation at hand. Though not recognized by others, the symptoms of grief may really be present, affecting the person’s life.

Some Things to Avoid Doing

Grief can really disrupt a person’s way of thinking. Many grievers often wrongly feel like they are suddenly different from the people around them, causing them to want to hide from loved ones or colleagues.

Other grievers may erroneously think that they must quickly overcome these negative emotions so that they can function once again. And there are others still who incorrectly believe that life has suddenly become meaningless due to the loss, causing them to no longer care about themselves.

Such thoughts are not right and should be avoided, lest the situation become even worse. Those who grieve need the support of people around them – loved ones, colleagues, and sometimes even professional help – to get themselves back on track.

But this takes time, so the griever should allow themselves to grieve so that they are balanced again within. This also means that extra care should be taken by them to stay healthy and strong for their sake and the sake of the people who love and need them.

Helpful Activities for the Grieving Process

Dealing with losses in life can be really tough. There are, however, some activities that one can do to help a person through the grieving process. Though they may be done alone, they can be more beneficial if they are done with a trusted family member or friend who may bear witness to this journey.

These activities may also be done with the help of a professional counselor who can help process one’s emotions and thoughts, especially if the grief journey is a very difficult one.

Rituals and symbols

Having a ritual for what or who was lost can be a meaningful way to honor that something or someone. This can be something simple like listening to a particular song, lighting a candle to remember them, or praying on special days (e.g. birthday, death anniversary). Some even decide to visit particularly memorable places (e.g. favorite restaurant) just to recall the old times.

Another way is to create or have a symbol as a sign of remembrance. For example, for those who lost a loved one that played basketball, having a basketball at home or memorabilia of the loved one’s favorite team in strategic places around the home can help them honor the memory.

If the “loss” was a migration to another place, then symbols of the home country or city can help the person remember where they came from as well as help them to still feel connected to their roots.

Join a support group

For many who are dealing with the grieving process, it helps if they are surrounded by others who truly understand their situation.

This is why many grievers join support groups where a person may share their experiences and emotions in a safe environment. In such groups, the griever does not feel “judged” as they are surrounded by others going through similar situations.

In some instances, life lessons may even be learned to help them with the grieving process. This, however, is not the main intent of support groups, just something extra.

Journaling

Journaling is another helpful way for a griever to release emotional stress and help process their current state of mind. By putting thoughts on paper, feelings are expressed and not bottled up inside. One does not have to be a great writer to do this. Even if the griever does not normally write, jotting down thoughts – even if they are just angry words – can help them make more sense of what they are feeling later on.

Writing a Letter

Oftentimes in cases of an unexpected loss in life (e.g. death, divorce, migration), a person may be overwhelmed by the thoughts that they were not able to share or the things they were not able to accomplish with the one who has left or the ones who were left behind.

To help them overcome this grief and create some kind of closure, a letter can be written to express their inner feelings and desires. Aside from finally “saying” what was never said before, the person may also get to know more about themselves and why they are severely affected by this change in their life. It is a good way to move forward.

Outreach

In other situations, the best way for a griever to move forward is to step out of their own grief and be instrumental in helping other people deal with their challenges in life. This can be by reaching out to somebody who is also experiencing something similar (e.g. another divorcee, another person who has just lost a loved one).

But one’s outreach may also be for something different like joining a medical mission in an impoverished area or spending time with children at an orphanage.

By offering a helping hand to others, one’s heart opens up, allowing the healing process to speed up just a little bit more.

Christian Counseling for the Grieving Process

Not all instances of loss require counseling. Often, time and loving support are all that are needed to recover. However, if the grief one is facing is too overwhelming, if there is no loved one around to provide support, or if dangerous activities or thoughts (e.g. substance abuse, self-injury, thoughts of death) have now become the norm, then a griever should get professional help.

In Christian counseling, the griever is given the place and time to share their story with someone who will not judge their loss or process of grieving. They will then be assisted to process their thoughts and be taught helpful ways to cope with the loss. But most importantly, they will be connected to our Lord Jesus Christ so that they may find true inner peace to help them move forward in life.

Grief and loss should not destroy your life. If you or a friend is experiencing a particularly difficult journey with the grieving process, then it is best to seek help soon.