Does God’s Forgiveness Apply to Me?

Many people struggle with the question, “Can I experience God’s forgiveness?” Let’s begin by considering some truths from God’s Word:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:32

Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. – Matthew 18:21-22

Many individuals and families experience the inability or unwillingness to forgive each other, to forgive themselves, or to receive forgiveness from God. Failure to forgive hinders spiritual growth and emotional maturity, devastates marriages and families, and contaminates relationships with friends and colleagues.

When spouses fail to forgive the other, their bitter, unforgiving spirit can be more damaging to the marriage than the wrongdoings that need forgiveness. Refusing to release anger not only damages relationships but is even more hurtful to the person clinging to bitterness, like a malignancy overtaking one’s soul.

Failure to forgive others weighs us down spiritually and emotionally, stunting our personal growth, and preventing abundant life. Forgiving can be compared to working out – it’s hard to get started, but the more you do it, the easier it gets, the more you enjoy the process, and the stronger you become!

The support you can receive from people who freely exercise forgiveness, from professional counseling, and from Godly wisdom will help you along your journey to freedom from bitterness and anger.

What does forgiveness mean?

We often have the concept that we can only forgive after the person who wronged us makes amends. At the very least, they have to apologize, but we usually expect that they should replace or somehow repair whatever damage they have caused.

Is this really forgiveness, or simply receiving “payment” for wrongdoing? Is it possible to forgive even if the person has not apologized or made an attempt at reparation?

Let’s take a look at God’s forgiveness. God doesn’t forgive us because we earn his forgiveness. He forgives us because our sin creates a barrier in the relationship he wants to have with us. Even when we were enemies of God, he reconciled us to him through the death of his Son (Romans 5:10). He erased the sin that separated us!

Unfortunately, we are sinners both by nature and by choice, yet God continues to forgive. When we confess our sin and receive God’s forgiveness, the slate is wiped clean (1 John 1:9). But that’s not all. God’s Holy Spirit dwelling in us empowers us to have victory over sin and enables us to live righteously. The good works that come out of righteous living don’t earn God’s forgiveness. Rather, good works are the fruit of receiving the forgiveness he freely extends.

God’s forgiveness seems a bit absurd to our “rational” way of thinking. He placed forgiveness in motion by sending his Son when we hadn’t apologized, hadn’t made things right – when we were, in fact, enemies. This is supernatural forgiveness, unearned and unmerited.

In the same way, God calls us to forgive, regardless of whether or not the wrongdoer asks for forgiveness. We may be tempted to hold on to our grievances, our bitterness, our hurts and our anger, but once we release these we are set free! We can claim our “rights” to reparation, or we can choose freedom from the painful and toxic emotions that accompany lack of forgiveness.

Why do I find it so hard to extend or to receive forgiveness?

Forgiveness is difficult, especially in our culture of “claiming our rights.” It can be equally difficult to let go of our shame and accept forgiveness from others and from God. Sometimes, we may have thought that we have forgiven someone when we later realize we’re still harboring hurt or bitterness about the incident. Forgiveness is more of a process than a one-time event.

Forgiveness is also a process in the sense that, even though we can have victory over sin, we often fall short. We continue to sin and continue to need to confess and repent and receive forgiveness from God. We also continue to offend others, and continue to be offended, and need to be in the habit of extending and receiving forgiveness. Hopefully, we’re making progress in the process!

Sometimes, when we supposedly forgive someone, we use that as a means to gain the “upper hand” in the relationship. We say that we’ve forgiven the person, but then there’s the expectation that the person is indebted to us, and we can make certain demands. True forgiveness is not a power trip.

It’s especially hard to forgive when the other person hasn’t apologized or made any attempt to make amends. Yet failure to forgive the unrepentant offender only heaps up more pain on ourselves as we nurture resentment and bitterness. This affects not only our relationship with the person who hurt us but our relationship with God and with others.

As mentioned before, forgiveness is a process. You may feel it’s impossible to forgive what someone has done to you, but if you “lance the boil” and let the ugliness drain out of you, there’s an immediate sense of relief. If you find it hard to forgive someone, start praying for that person and asking God to help you forgive – God will do a work in your heart!

Many have difficulty in receiving forgiveness. Shame overwhelms us, and we feel there’s no way we can possibly make amends for the wrong we’ve done. In situations like this, we may become depressed and feel like we need to be punished.

Even when we mentally understand the concept of God’s unconditional love and forgiveness, it’s hard to get the theology into our hearts. We continue to hold on to guilt and shame and feel as if we need to do something to earn his forgiveness.

The good news is that the cycle can be broken! Even though true forgiveness is never easy, God has given us the supernatural power to overcome, through dying to sin and living to righteousness. Because God has forgiven us, even when we were alienated from him, we are free from condemnation, and we can likewise extend forgiveness to others.

What does the Bible teach us about God’s forgiveness?

God has forgiven us, and God expects us to likewise forgive others. Forgiveness comes from God’s grace and mercy – as we receive forgiveness and mercy from God, we then are enabled to extend it to others. The Bible tells us to forgive each other, just as God, in Christ, has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32).

The Bible also teaches that both our own sin and our lack of forgiveness of others can block our relationship with God. Jesus instructed us that when we’re praying if we’re holding a grudge against someone, we need to forgive them so that God our Father will forgive us (Mark 11:25). God’s grace empowers us to extend grace to others, which results in us continuing to receive grace and forgiveness from God.

But what if it isn’t fair? What if the person continues to keep offending us? Is there a limit to how much we can forgive one person? Peter brought this question to Jesus. “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21-22)

God doesn’t set limits on our own forgiveness. He doesn’t say, “Oh, well, I’ve already forgiven you 490 times, now that’s it. No more forgiveness!” In the same way, he wants us to extend unlimited grace and forgiveness to others.

Does this sound impossible? Yes! It is, at least it is in our own strength. But God empowers to do what he calls us to do. He does incomparably more in us that we could ever ask or think. He gives us the supernatural ability to conquer the seemingly insurmountable, and receive and extend forgiveness so that our relationship with him and with others lives up to his plan.

God longs for us to be in an intimate relationship with him, and he also created us to live in intimacy and harmony with our spouse, our family, and others. Forgiveness removes the barriers to intimacy. When we receive forgiveness from God, we are restored to relationship with him. When we extend and receive forgiveness in our earthly relationships, we are on the path to loving others as God has loved us.

Am I worthy of God’s forgiveness?

Many couples and individuals struggling with forgiveness find it hard to comprehend that good can come out of a situation of sin and shame. Many feel unworthy of forgiveness.

In fact, we are unworthy. That’s what grace and mercy are all about. We cannot hope to earn forgiveness or make amends for all the wrongs we’ve committed. Our worthiness does not come from what we do, but from what God has already done. He has chosen to freely forgive and restore us, in spite of our unworthiness. Because of what God has done for us, we can live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him (Colossians 1:10).

Just as we can never be good enough to earn God’s forgiveness, we really can’t expect others to make enough reparations to make things right when they hurt us. But in the same way that we receive forgiveness from God while we are unworthy, so we can extend it to others, no matter what. We can freely give what we’ve freely received.

Are you having a hard time wrapping your mind around this concept? Comprehending God’s love and grace and forgiveness is a slow process for many people. It goes counter to our world’s culture, and of course, the Adversary will try to lead us down another way of thinking. Meeting with a Christian counselor can be a good way to sort out your issues with forgiveness, and realize the wonderful gift God has given you.

A therapist can partner with you to work out who it is you need to forgive, as well as individuals from whom you need to seek forgiveness. As you go through this process, you will be able to release malignant emotions such as anger, hurt, bitterness and shame, renew intimacy with God and develop closer relationships with family and others in your life.

Are you having trouble as you remember your past? Dwelling in shame and self-condemnation for past wrongdoings prevents you from growing spiritually and emotionally. A therapist can help you examine your life to find areas where you need to seek and receive forgiveness from God and others – and then begin the path of freedom.

Perhaps you feel as if you’re beyond redemption – that you could never be forgiven for your past. God has no limits to his mercy and forgiveness. Consider that when Jesus walked the earth, he fellowshipped with prostitutes, tax collectors, and sinners. Remember some of the major heroes of faith in the Bible – Moses, David, Paul – were all murderers, and yet God mightily used these men to write nearly half of the Bible.

Like the father of the prodigal son, your Heavenly Father is waiting for you, with arms wide open, to run to him in humility and seek forgiveness. God and the angels celebrate every time a sinner is restored. He is longing for you to experience his extravagant, forgiving, celebratory love. Today is the day! Reach out for his forgiveness, so you can experience peace and joy and personal growth.